Me? Discipline? You’ve got to be kidding!

People often hint at the fact that they envy my discipline. They say little things like, “I wish I had your dedication.” Or “you have such willpower.” Or “How do you do it, day after day?” I smile shyly when that happens—I don’t know what to say. With every remark, I cry a little more on the inside, because I know exactly what kind of person I really am. I could not possibly take any credit.
There isn’t one ounce of discipline in this woman who lives in me. She never wants to do the right thing, and I fight with her every single day. We carry on heated conversations—so glad only God gets in on those. But that person who lives inside of me is highly organized. Each day, I wake up to a calendar filled with her “to-do list”—changing the sheets to baking a cake, passing through weight training, studying, working, grocery shopping, writing in her blog and whatever else might need to be done. And she knows that I hate to not check off things. Smart lady in there… she tricks me every single day. Most everything on the list gets done, to my utter amazement. I sometimes suspect that the Creator gave me an extra shot of love-juice for checking things off because He knows me so well. And it certainly looks like discipline from the outside.
There isn’t one ounce of goodness in this woman who lives in me. She always wants her way. But Holy Spirit who lives within knows how to woo her into obedience. And there is certainly one good thing about her: she loves Him with every ounce of her being. She longs to please Him with every breath that she takes. So I wake up every day to 16 hours in which I have the privilege of doing His will… His love captivates me into obedience. Over the years, little by little, I have learned to not ask how I feel about the tasks written on her list. My doing them pleases the Lord, so I do them. And it certainly looks like discipline from the outside.
But then, when I consider who He is, it doesn’t shock me one bit… He is known for using the weak things of the earth to confound the wise. Imagine, the undisciplined slob that I am, featured as a model of discipline. No wonder I cry in amazement “what a mighty God He is,” every time it happens.

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