My heart swelled with pride when I first held him. Perfect and precious. So vulnerable and yet so powerful . At that moment, an unstoppable determination was birthed in me. I was going to be a real mother, his advocate always. I would raise him up to be a strong man. I was going to protect him from life’s pains. I was going to guard his life with mine.
I kept my vision in front of me year in and year out. We went through T-ball, elementary school, hunting seasons, poison ivy, first dances and first loves. He graduated from High School, then from college, and then he got his Masters. He grew up to be such a tender, sensitive, strong young man. Smart, witty, merciful. Talented and handsome.
I couldn’t protect him from life’s pains. But he turned into an oak of righteousness. The pride of my heart.
And when I got to hold her the very first time, my heart melted within me. Gorgeous, innocent, so girly. So strong, somehow. And in those first few seconds, I knew I would be her defender, her friend, her confidante. I was going to be there from her and shield her from all hardship. I was going to give my life away for her.
The fire kept burning in my heart throughout the years. She became a fierce elementary school basketball player, and she lined up her teddy bears to teach them from the time she was about three years old. She is smart, funny and beautiful. We made it through nail parties, first cars, the blonde stage, hunting—oh my!–, devastating sickness and hope realized. She grew up to be such sweet gorgeous young woman full of His kindness through and through.
I couldn’t shield her from all hardship. But she turned into a breathtakingly beautiful flower whose aroma spreads God’s kindness through and through. The joy of my heart.
I thought my heart would explode with joy when my arms held him at first. Strong, handsome, passionate. I looked at him and knew instantly I would seek to be all he would need me to be throughout his life. I would stand by him and guide him firmly. I would lead him in the ways of God and he would never stumble. I would lay my life down for him.
I didn’t stop believing in him. We made it through passionate sport seasons, went through endless heated conversations, followed him on more adventures than I can count. He carried his passion all over the place, forcing me to live up to my own. Powerful, committed, beautiful and compassionate.
I couldn’t keep him from stumbling, but he turned into a strong lion tamed by the Word of God. The comfort of my heart.