My fingers turn the pages of my well worn Bible until I find the verse I had been thinking about the last couple of days. I read it aloud to myself: “(…) casting down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
Don’t I do that already?
I close my eyes and open my heart.
And He reveals to me where I shy away from conversations with people for fear of confrontations, where I count calories excessively to try to protect myself from unwanted weight gain. He gently points to when I refuse to open my heart even though He requires it. He reminds me of how at times I let fear crawl inside of my belly until it makes its home right there.
“Will you trust Me?”
“Then let it go.”
Yeah, but I really don’t have much left that I can call my own. I gave Him my life, my heart, my time, my affections, my money, my energy, my future and my past. Can’t I keep my yeahbuts? That way I can still complain. I can still think “I told you so.” I can still maintain an illusion of control.
I think I like my yeahbuts.
I run my finger over the underlined passage once more. I look down and read it again: “(…) casting down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”
And the life contained in these words jumps up at me.
There will be no captivity to the obedience of Christ as long as I hold on to my yeahbuts. There is no true lordship of God if my heart and mind live in the land of yeahbuts.
The yeahbuts are a sign of half-allegiance. As long as I hold on to them, I hold on to me. And He doesn’t have all of me.
Another layer of self must die.
The conclusion hurts, like a slap in the face. But the pain that I feel is probably just pride being confronted. And I marvel for the thousandth time at the power of God’s Word.
There is really only one thing to do. I bow the knee of my heart. I let it go. He will catch me.
No yeahbuts about it.
Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp
#332 His Word in my Heart
#331 A Quiet Evening at Home
Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 Home, SDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing Home, Play Dates with God, Monday Musings, Hear it on Sunday, Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s Story, Into the Word, In and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday, Titus2Tuesdays, Extraordinay, Lessons from Ivy, Denise in Bloom, Sweet Blessings, Faith Filled Friday, Finding Joy