Collection

Angry and frustrated with myself, I add another word to my list of not-good-enoughs.

And the collection grows, hour by hour.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Ashamed of my reaction when I see them and cross the street because I don’t  want to listen to his attitude and see her perfectly painted face, I mentally write down yet another shortcoming on the account that my heart holds.

And the collection grows, heavier by the day.

Sick to my soul as I realize that I would rather not care, not feel, not react, not have to do something because the raw pain never ends and the hunger is bottomless and there is no solution that I can see, I etch another march in my never-ending archive of guilts.

And the collection grows, year after year.

I was never a collector of things; I just have a carefully kept inventory of wrong. It has always been my only collection: shortcomings, deficiencies, lacks, weaknesses, defects. It never goes on sale; it just grows, and gets putrid, and stinks up my heavy heart.  And it destroys my life.

And the years add up, and the collection grows.

“Release it from your hand.”

But my sore heart doesn’t find room for balm today. I shrug the words away and just keep on collecting.

Yet time is in His relentless hands.

“It isn’t yours to carry.”

But look at my collection! I wear my shame like a badge of honor.

“I myself was put to shame that you might let go of yours. ”

The words come down like a sledgehammer upon my heart, shattering all of its pride and crooked reasonings.

“Your shame minimizes My grace.”

My collections scatters on the ground. I don’t pick up the pieces.

I pick up joy instead and let it dance within my cleaned-up, roomy heart.

Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

#341 A Summer Rain

#340 a new pair of jeans

#339 My released Heart

#338 The Week-end

#337 A Ladies’ Breakfast with my girlfriends

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Simply Helping Him, Hearts 4 HomeSDG,  Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on SundayInspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday, Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding Joy

Advertisements

30 comments

  1. We were just talking about shame in our ladie’s study last night! Good timing for me to read this. Here’s another verse on the topic: Colossians 2:13-15.13 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. 15 He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him. He put Satan to shame–taking away his power over us! Wow…shaming ourselves really does take away from His glory. You hit the nail on the head!

    Like

  2. This is beautiful! I have been there. I have worn my shame like a badge of honor. I pranced around with it proudly displayed because that’s what I felt I deserved. Thank God I am now redeemed. Praising Him for my new identity, a restored heart, and a freedom that is utterly indescribable!!

    Like

  3. Amen! It is so easy to create, add to and carry this collection. LOVE THIS –> “I myself was put to shame that you might let go of yours.“ and “Your shame minimizes My grace.” Thank you for sharing and linking up at Simply Helping Him! Blessings!

    Like

  4. Stopping by From Ann’s place. I have had a collection of wrongs as well, and like trying to clean out a closet, I too am trying to replace them with a list of thankful. Thank you for your open honest heart.

    Like

  5. Wow! I never thought of collections as anything but good….as a collector of things I can say that. You have made me search my soul to see if I am collecting anything that I should be handing back..
    Very convicting.

    Like

I would love to hear your reaction to this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s