15 Ways to Stay Unhappy

When I was a kid, I was the queen of pouting. No one could do it better than me; I perfected the art.

But interestingly enough, it only took one silly joke, or a tickle from my sister, or the smell of cookies in the air for me to drop my pouting and embrace giggles and smiles.

Which tells me that Unhappy has a lot to do with where my mind and my senses are. Unhappy has a lot less to do with what is happening than with what I choose to dwell on.

So here is my very unpretentious guide to staying unhappy. And I should know–I  used to be the queen of pouting and unhappy.

1. Put a frown on your face and keep looking in the mirror. It will remind you at all times to not let yourself move from the unhappy place.

2. Make sure you only think about yourself and your own misery. Never ever consider volunteering at a homeless shelter, a home for abused women or an orphanage abroad. This way, you can hold on to your sheltered self-centeredness that renders you so unhappy.

3.Indulge in everything that fosters a bad mood: junk food, fast food, alcohol, cigarettes, pornographic and twisted literature, movies about guns and evil men, pity parties, depressing music, staying home alone for days on end. Have a regimented diet of these.

4.  Make a thorough list of everything that has gone wrong in your life. Then make a second list, and on this one, write down everything that you have not yet accomplished but should have. Finally, make a third list in which you will list every one who has let you down thus far in your life. Make sure to memorize the three lists so that you can quote them whenever you need to.

5. Dabble in the occult a bit. You only need a bit for this one to work for you.

6. Don’t go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Do your best to stay cooped up in stale rooms, never giving your brain a chance to be refreshed with pure oxygen.

7. Never ever take any time to do things that you enjoy, like knitting, or walking, or shopping, or talk on the phone. Focus all your attention and time on your duties.

8. Refuse to daydream. Enough said.

9. Be very diligent about not sleeping more than 5 to 6 hours a night. Keep yourself awake at all cost.

10. Listen and/or read the news three times every single day, religiously swallowing every bite of it as medicine. Make sure to pay attention to the details of each evil act reported. Even better, talk about them.

11. Move your body the least amount possible. No biking, hiking, lifting weights, swimming allowed.

12. Don’t ever think or talk about all the ways you are “blessed,” like food on your table, roof over your head, people in your life etc.. This one is vital, for it will help you stay in a state of unthankfulness–utterly necessary in order to stay unhappy.

13. Be very, very busy. All day and every day. Try to add every evening as well. Or at least five times a week.

14. Consider everything that you need to do and keep thinking about it. Even when you are doing well. Never allow yourself to enjoy the moment that you are in.

15. Most importantly, don’t ever open a Bible or talk to God, because they point to every reason you have to hope and be filled with joy.

Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

one thousand#544 Men like Martin Luther King who fought for truth established

#545 My husband cooking dinner for us

#546 My friend Erin painting a giraffe for me

#547 Wood for our fireplace

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 HomeSDG,  Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on SundayInspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday, Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding JoyWholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word, Six in the Hickory Sticks

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39 comments

  1. what a list! i stopped some where in the middle it got too depressing !
    but i recall hair cuts as a kid (that picture you have there, poor thing! with that hair cut one has to be unhappy 🙂 )

    have a blessed happy day!!!!

    Like

  2. This is a fun post with a lot of meaning. I like the point about fresh air, no matter how busy you are, it’s always best to get out there and get some because it is such a mind pick-me-up!

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  3. Shared on my facebook…loved this! Number 4 especially the one that I see causing the most trouble for people I know. Thanks for the reminder of all the things I don’t want to do! 🙂

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  4. Oh, how I know these well. I would have graduated to offering mentorship in these if it wasn’t for the grace of God. Great reminder. { Some I still have to work on though, like the sleeping hours bit!}

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  5. I love this because it just shows that you have to work very hard at remaining unhappy, lol! I think I will just make the choice to be happy because it’s easier, lol!

    Thanks so much for linking up to “Making Your Home Sing Monday” today! 🙂

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  6. hiya, i’m here from #concretewords. this made me laugh. when my daughter used to pull grumpy faces i would say to her lets see who can pull the grumpiest face and i’d pull one too. then i’d say lets see who can pull the happiest face and we’d both smile then she’d say oh mummy you’ve done it again 🙂

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  7. I love it! What a great reminder that a positive attitude is a choice, and we need to keep choosing it

    Thanks for sharing this at Motivation Monday! I’m going to share this as part of my Sunday Daybook post along with posting it to the MM Pinterest board.

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  8. It’s me. I’ve been wondering what was wrong with me and you’ve hit the nail right on the head-my head. Thanks . I will take a second look at how I’ve been living.

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