When I first felt you move within my womb, my entire universe shifted.

My heart sang for joy, and I vowed to take care of you, to shield you from harm, to keep you from being hurt, to love you and give all that I am for you.

And in many ways I did.

Love is like that. How could I not? You are the flesh of my flesh.

But in many ways, I failed. I miserably failed in my vow to shield you from harm, to keep you from being hurt. Oh I tried, dear One, I really did. But life happens. And this life we live, it isn’t always nice. It isn’t always fair.

There are times when you have been in harm’s way and I haven’t been there to shield you. And it ripped me apart.

And at times, I have not been able to keep you from being hurt. Not that I did not want to, not that I did not yearn to, not that I did not beg God to trade places with you–this sacrificial love, it’s built into us Mommas,–but my hands were tied.

And it broke my heart.

And as the years went by–and we lived them fully, you and I hand in hand, learning life together,–I have had to let you suffer through heart breaks, and I have had to let you deal with lost games and championships, and broken friendships and harsh words that shattered your tender being, and scraped knees and broken bones that you could not escape. I have prayed and fasted, cried and begged, but I have known the answer all along: God won’t let me be God.

The job is already taken.

And He certainly used me to let you know you were not alone. To gently love you through it all. But He clearly drew a line in the sand that I could not cross: You are His before you are mine.

And He knows best.

And I will never be enough. Because God only is.

And it hurts more than I can express, this letting go of you, this trusting Him enough to leave you in His hands. It feels like a tear that rips my heart apart. But I know that He won’t leave the wounded ones behind. I know that He is the Shepherd of all life. His love knows best.

He alone is God, and you are His before you are mine.

And it is very humbling, this realizing that I am not enough. That I can’t fix it all. That I can’t erase any of it. That I can’t exchange it with you.

And all that’s left is Jesus, the Shepherd of all life.

Jesus, the One I must trust.

Jesus, the One you must trust.

Jesus, the One Who is enough

one-thousand7Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

#758 Pear butter with slivered almonds

#759 Doing well in my new business

#760 Dinner out with my kiddos tonight

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 HomeSDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on Sunday,Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday,Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding JoyWholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word,