For When God takes You on the Road to Self-Discovery

When life shifts and it feels like I can’t really breathe deep anymore, and it’s clear that I’ve got to let go of what was but I can’t see quite yet what’s coming up on the horizon, and God seems way too silent, breathing gets pretty tough. A sign would be nice. Or a word. Or anything at all. Just something.

I know that you can’t go back to what was–it’s a new day, a new time, a new season. But I can’t see ahead because it’s all so foggy, and empty, and so filled with what ifs.

And it’s a big world out there, yet I am at a loss. I don’t know where to turn for the answers I seek.

I just can’t figure it out.

I just can’t figure me out.

And fear starts telling me lies, and I am so tempted to listen. And I feel so alone in the midst of billions of people; and no one gets me.

And I know that if I don’t move forward, I am going to slide into a very dark place. A dangerous place. So I do the only thing I know to do… I lace up my shoes, grab my ipod and go for a walk. And I tell Him all about the loneliness in the middle of billions of people, and the sense of loss, and the woes, and the doubts, and my hopelessness and my fears big and small, childish but oh-so-very-real. And He listens quietly. And then I have no more words.

I walk silently until I feel a nudge to turn my music on. And God, He just appears right there in the notes and the words. And in song after song, He declares His love for me. And song after song, I begin to remember. I begin to believe. I straighten my shoulders and begin to breathe deep.

And the next day, I do the only thing I know to do…I lace up my shoes, grab my ipod and go for a walk. And I tell Him all about my maybe goals, and the obstacles that stand in the way, and my past failures and the reasons I am terrified to go on, to let go of what was, to dare to go forward. And He listens quietly. And when I have no more words, I walk silently until I feel a nudge to turn my music on.

And God, He just appears right there in the notes and the words. And in song after song, He reminds me to trust Him. And song after song, I begin to let go of all of my reasons not to give my future to Him, not to honor Him with a child-like trust, not to rest my head on His chest. And I straighten my shoulders and continue to breathe Him in.

And the next day, I do the only thing I know to do…I lace up my shoes, grab my ipod and go for a walk. And I tell Him all about my new hope, and how He can overcome the obstacles that stand in the way, and how my past does not define me and the reasons I should go forward. And He listens quietly. And when I have no more words, I walk silently until I feel a nudge to turn my music on. And God, He just appears right there in the notes and the words. And in song after song, He reminds me to thank Him. He reminds me to joy over Him. And song after song, my heart fills with a giggle and I can’t help but let it come right out of my mouth, and my face, it turns to the sun, and my mouth, it turns into a smile. And I walk with my head lifted and raise my hands in holy worship, and I exhale in joyful surrender. 

And the walk, it’s less about self-discovery, and more about walking home.

Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

one-thousand7#824 A beautifully sunny cold day   

#825 Forgiveness

#826 Sensing God’s cares for me 

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 HomeSDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on Sunday,Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday,Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding JoyWholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word,

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15 comments

  1. Beautiful post, Barb! Reminds me why I so miss walking during these cold months. There’s just something about being outside with only your thoughts and God’s words. Thanks for linking up to Testimony Tuesday!

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  2. As I read your post, Barbara, I realized the amazing way in which He performs a spiritual CPR. We breathe Him in(life) & exhale all that would hold us back. And with each breath, a little more life and a little more life. So grateful for the life He breathes into you, into us – each day! Blessings!!

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  3. A deep breath is something the Doctors dealing with depression tell you to do. Shallow breathing is not so good – – take a DEEP breath and then let it out. Our pastor at church has us do this at prayer time. And the walk with music – the sweet hymns and chorous that remind us of His love and His ways are best even if not understood. Thank you for sharing with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

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  4. I had forgotten…When I lived in a small town in the middle of no where Missouri, I used to take walks like that. I would walk down to the lake and then follow the creek through the woods, talking with God, listening to God. I miss that. I think I need to start again. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. Oh my, I do the exact same thing. So loved this. I was nodding…”yes, me too!” Love how He always speaks to me through the music playing. I miss those walks during these cold months. I know I could still walk but I don’t handle the cold very well. Thanks for joining in every week Barbara. Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

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