January 2014 Letter–Dear Future

January 2014 Letter–Dear Future,

Today, as we are starting a new year together, you and I, I am finally ready to share a secret with you: December 31st used to be the worst day of the year. In the midst of all the joy of preparing for the new year starting, a sense of dread use to come over me about mid-day. It grew deep in my belly until it reached my chest by evening, and I could barely breathe from the pressure in there.

This new year that was coming,  all wrapped up in glitter and pretend bows, I knew that it held pain and sorrow and failures and broken dreams. And certainly the death of someone I loved. Because that’s just how life goes. Because that’s just what happens to me. And the fear of the pain, and the dread of the unknown that would certainly come, it was almost more than my heart could take. I physically would get sick to my stomach. 

What horrible events would I have to survive in the next three hundred and sixty-five days?

And January first always came, and it found me excited and terrified, exhausted from the jumbled up emotions and all the smiles on my face to pretend that it was well with my soul.

But God is God, and He faithfully worked with me, year in and year out. He convinced me of His unending love. He swore His allegiance to me. He promised that He would never leave me. Never ever ever. 

And if or when that awful thing would happen on any given day of any given year, He would still be there.

And little by little, I began to believe Him. The dread of the unthinkable pain remained, but it stopped swallowing me. I know now that I am somehow going to make it, because God will never, ever leave me.  

I will survive the pain. I might even thrive.

I am going to be ok. Because God is never not going to be there.

And that’s plenty good enough for me. 

Dear Future, thank you for all that you are to me,

Barbara

Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

one-thousand7#834 A lovely morning with my daughter

#835 Sweet get together with friends

#836 An unexpected gift card

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 HomeSDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on Sunday,Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday,Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding JoyWholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word,

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23 comments

  1. Happy New Year, Barbara! With the vagaries of the world, it took me…years…to believe in the goodness and faithfulness of God. This last week a couple of things have happened that were unpleasant, but God has been at my side the whole time and well, I’m still here. :O)

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  2. I was not looking forward to beginning a new year for a number of reasons. No matter how much I didn’t want to move into the new year, it was going to happen. I am so grateful for a God who walks with me through the good and bad – and especially through times of fear and uncertainty. Thanks for sharing on Thankful Thursday today.

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  3. Though I have many reason to dread the year to come, I sense I anticipation, and expectation that there will much difficult but great provision. I am hopeful. And thankful. God bless you in every day of the coming year.

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  4. Yes, with anticipation we await the New Year – – caution too for we know there will be joys and sorrow because that seems to be life. Through it all, we have Jesus who promises to be with us “through” the storm and he will calm the angry waves throbbing in our hearts. Thanks for sharing with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

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  5. Bonjour Barbara “nouvelle grand-mère” Je suis toute étonnée de ce post ! pour moi, c’est juste le contraire, le dernier jour de l’an, je me sens en joie: une page se tourne, un chapitre se clôture, un livre se ferme et un autre s’ouvre. Peu importe si les livres se ressemblent, ils sont différents. J’ai la même impression au moment de mon anniversaire, j’aime beaucoup… Et même si c’est très symbolique et juste une question de convenance, les chinois et d’autres ne mettent pas le nouvel-an au même moment que nous, je sais à ce moment que je vais vers autre chose, que la nature va peu à peu se réveiller et que l’espoir est à nouveau permis ! je t’embrasse, toi et ton adorable petite fille

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  6. As we entered 2014, I must say I was at first looking ahead with dread. I wanted to skip past 2014. Then God went and gave me the word Joy for 2014. How could that be my word? But like He reminded you, God is God and He will never leave me. I am going to be OK. He will give me reasons for my heart to leap for joy…through both the ups and the downs.
    Thanks for linking up for Three Word Wednesday. Sorry it always takes me longer than I would like to stop on by.
    Blessings,
    Beth

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  7. Your post was one of hope and love found. No matter what, now, you know you have the One who holds the future holding your hand. I’m so glad He has given you this peace.
    Blessings,
    Janis

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  8. Barbara…your real post reminds me that whatever the year holds that God is faithful and enough. I don’t have to wrap myself up in worry but instead release it all into His trustworthy purpose. Thank you for sharing at WJIM’s Monday’s Musings. Have a blessed weekend.

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  9. Barbara…your real post reminds me that as a new year unfolds that our Lord is faithful in all things. I don’t need to wrap myself up in worry as I know I can trust His perfect purpose for my life. Easy, no. Peace-filled, yes. Thank you for sharing at WJIM’s Monday’s Musings. Have a great weekend.

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