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January 2014 Letter–Dear Future,

Today, as we are starting a new year together, you and I, I am finally ready to share a secret with you: December 31st used to be the worst day of the year. In the midst of all the joy of preparing for the new year starting, a sense of dread use to come over me about mid-day. It grew deep in my belly until it reached my chest by evening, and I could barely breathe from the pressure in there.

This new year that was coming,  all wrapped up in glitter and pretend bows, I knew that it held pain and sorrow and failures and broken dreams. And certainly the death of someone I loved. Because that’s just how life goes. Because that’s just what happens to me. And the fear of the pain, and the dread of the unknown that would certainly come, it was almost more than my heart could take. I physically would get sick to my stomach. 

What horrible events would I have to survive in the next three hundred and sixty-five days?

And January first always came, and it found me excited and terrified, exhausted from the jumbled up emotions and all the smiles on my face to pretend that it was well with my soul.

But God is God, and He faithfully worked with me, year in and year out. He convinced me of His unending love. He swore His allegiance to me. He promised that He would never leave me. Never ever ever. 

And if or when that awful thing would happen on any given day of any given year, He would still be there.

And little by little, I began to believe Him. The dread of the unthinkable pain remained, but it stopped swallowing me. I know now that I am somehow going to make it, because God will never, ever leave me.  

I will survive the pain. I might even thrive.

I am going to be ok. Because God is never not going to be there.

And that’s plenty good enough for me. 

Dear Future, thank you for all that you are to me,

Barbara

Cultivating Thankfulness with Ann Voskamp

one-thousand7#834 A lovely morning with my daughter

#835 Sweet get together with friends

#836 An unexpected gift card

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 HomeSDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing HomePlay Dates with GodMonday Musings, Hear it on Sunday,Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s StoryInto the WordIn and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday,Titus2Tuesdays, ExtraordinayLessons from IvyDenise in BloomSweet BlessingsFaith Filled Friday, Finding JoyWholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word,

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