I don’t do Forgiveness

“I don’t do forgiveness,” she said. Period. No explanation, no smile to soften the blow. She turned and walked away.

turn

And I am left with the words that ripped my heart apart, and I sense that it might just dissolve into a bleeding sore.

Come on, at least have the decency to stay here so we can have it out! Don’t walk away. I am frustrated and anger grows every second and if my heart does not dissolve from the sore, it will explode from the anger. But I know deep in my gut that if I don’t choose to forgive the one who won’t forgive, it is my very choice that will make this heart of mine explode, not her choice to not do forgiveness. It’s just so unfair. And I don’t want to.

But God, He does not even side with me. And that’s not helping at all.

And God, He points to Jesus, the One who gave His life for those who wouldn’t even look at Him. And He tells me that the life that is in Him is in me as well, and I ought to yield to it.

But I try to reason with God, because He just doesn’t get it, and she hurt me really deep, and she simply doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Not this time. It’s her responsibility to forgive, not mine.

And as clear at can be, I hear her words resonate in my heart. But this time, they sound like me.

“I don’t do forgiveness.”

And I see it so clearly: I am her, not doing forgiveness, because she just does not deserve it.

And God,  He stays silent, and He won’t side with me.

And God, He’s not upset, because He knows that His Son in me will win.

And God, He is always right.

 

 

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15 comments

  1. Short and to the point post, Barbara!
    Forgiveness is not for the other person. It’s for us. If we don’t forgive, our anger will destroy us and our spirit.

    Blessed Christmas filled with love, joy, and beauty…forgiveness, too!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. well said. I’m sorry that you were hurt. But I suppose this can also serve to remind us that because of our faith in Jesus, we can and must forgive, even when we don’t want to. I can only imagine the walls and the bitterness around the other person’s heart. Forgiveness is an ongoing process. I was sharing with some friends last night about some hurt I experienced, and someone asked me if I’d forgiven this person and I said yes, but the hurt rises to the surface like waves in a calm sea…not big waves, not often, but still crashing every now and then. It’s a process. And God, as you said, is always right.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow. So powerful. Forgiveness is hard, but God always makes it worth doing. Such a good reminder given a particular struggle with forgiving someone I’m having. Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for this. I firmly believe bitterness and not be able to forgive are joy stealer and we cannot really love until we but both away. it is a process but God is faithful. I have experienced this first hand and forgiving is such freedom. God bless you!

    Like

  5. Those who fail to forgive, are only hurting themselves. It is difficult at times to forgive, when we feel in our heart that we were so right and they were so wrong. Jesus said that we must forgive if we want His forgiveness. Wow. Thank you for sharing your interesting post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

    Like

  6. My husband says that we can’t do anything about how others feel or what they say all we can do is work on ourselves. What a tough thing for you to deal with and I pray that God will bless you at this time. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings.

    Like

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