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“I don’t do forgiveness,” she said. Period. No explanation, no smile to soften the blow. She turned and walked away.

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And I am left with the words that ripped my heart apart, and I sense that it might just dissolve into a bleeding sore.

Come on, at least have the decency to stay here so we can have it out! Don’t walk away. I am frustrated and anger grows every second and if my heart does not dissolve from the sore, it will explode from the anger. But I know deep in my gut that if I don’t choose to forgive the one who won’t forgive, it is my very choice that will make this heart of mine explode, not her choice to not do forgiveness. It’s just so unfair. And I don’t want to.

But God, He does not even side with me. And that’s not helping at all.

And God, He points to Jesus, the One who gave His life for those who wouldn’t even look at Him. And He tells me that the life that is in Him is in me as well, and I ought to yield to it.

But I try to reason with God, because He just doesn’t get it, and she hurt me really deep, and she simply doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Not this time. It’s her responsibility to forgive, not mine.

And as clear at can be, I hear her words resonate in my heart. But this time, they sound like me.

“I don’t do forgiveness.”

And I see it so clearly: I am her, not doing forgiveness, because she just does not deserve it.

And God,  He stays silent, and He won’t side with me.

And God, He’s not upset, because He knows that His Son in me will win.

And God, He is always right.

 

 

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