Volunteer Victim

It’s really all about choices.

But my dad was an alcoholic. But my mom, she never mothered me. And we were dirt poor. And I never went to the prom. And there was this guy, and he really hurt me, and I have all these scars now, and…

Today, I am who I am because of the choices that I have made. Not because of my dad, my mom, my social status, this guy, or whatever else.




Too simplistic? I don’t think so.

I do not believe in being a volunteer victim. Neither does God.

Life isn’t always fair, I’ll grant you that, but in the midst of life happening, we can always choose how we look at it. Because in the long run, our perspective will completely determine our experience.

Indeed, my dad was an alcoholic. And I was greatly hurt by his actions and choices. Yet there came a time when I was faced with the rotten fruits that my own unforgiveness bore. It wasn’t pretty, this justifying my bitterness; it wasn’t becoming, this heart of stone, this wall I erected in the name of hurt. And I chose to break it down, one stone at a time.

A032-00160_Broken_stone_wallIt took a lot of hard work. Uncomfortable work. Humbling work. But at the end, it was worth every ounce of energy given. In the process, I learned to not be a volunteer victim.

Our choices, they all bear some kind of fruit. And my life, it will taste, look, smell, sound like those fruits. And your life, it will do the same. Because there are some principles in life that cannot be changed, or argued with.

I am doing all I know to do to not be a volunteer victim. You?

Sometimes, I link up with any or all of these wonderful writers: Hearts 4 Home,SDG, Hearts Reflected, WLW, EOA, Things I can’t say, Growing Home, Play Dates with God, Monday Musings, Hear it on Sunday,Inspire Me Monday, Tell me a Story, The Better Mom, a Mama’s Story, Into the Word, In and Around Mondays,OYHT, Gratituesday,Titus2Tuesdays, Extraordinay, Lessons from Ivy,Denise in Bloom, Sweet Blessings, Faith Filled Friday, Finding Joy,WholeHearted Home, Mom’s the Word, Reclaiming a Redeemed Life, Still Saturday. Wildcrafting Wednesdays, WFMW



  1. This here is so very true >>> “our perspective will completely determine our experience.” May we frame every experience through the lens of God’s Word so that we get His perspective and receive healing. Blessings!


  2. We were poor also, but we did not go without food or clothing, just scarcely. We were cared for, but honestly I can NEVER remember hearing the words, “I love you,” from either parent. They both showed their love with attention, and perhaps out of duty. Punishment was harsh and unjust when I disobeyed, and I can remember harboring resentment. Eventually, through study and the Work of the Holy Spirit, I was able to break free of emotional hurts and unforgiveness. Your honesty here is a blessing to us all, as we can see that God is not through with any of us yet and he is still working in our hearts to bring us closer to Jesus. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.
    Do read one of my hostess posts, about Live Free

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A very powerful post. Thanks for your honesty. I am still working on resentment and anger. I keep trying to see my parent’s as people who did the best they could with their own baggage. It is hard, but I keep plugging away at it. I do not want to end up like my mother, full of bitterness blaming others for her unhappy life.

    I am grateful every day for my life and family. Relationships are very hard sometimes to maintain…especially with family. I try to be the person I believe Jesus wants me to be. I try to love others as I am loved. I don’t want to be a volunteer victim either.


  4. This reminds me how we are affected by our experiences, including the actions of others, but how we still have a choice about what we do with all that. Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.


  5. I really relate to this post! For me, learning that I had the choice…the responsibility…not to let circumstances determine my attitude has been so freeing! Not that I can do it right all the time. Some days I sink with every torpedo, instead of dodging them. But now I KNOW. And that is progress! And it is hope—to know that the choice is mine, that for freedom Christ has set me free. 🙂

    Stopping by from Three Word Wednesday!


  6. As a fellow adult child of an alcoholic I can honestly say I’ve had to learn and re-learn these lessons, Barbara. Thank you for your transparency and encouragement. Much love to you, friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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