“Please, Lord, remove this pain in my knee.”
The pain was almost unbearable, and it did not go away. So I leaned into grace and managed my mind, knowing that God would be with me every step of the way.
Since it isn’t convenient to not be able to bend one’s knee at all, I made an appointment to be seen by a doctor. X-rays showed a ridiculous deterioration of the knee, with bone spurs and calcification.
I had been told years ago that knee replacements were a probability in my future, but I never dwelt on it. Now I had to.
I smiled, thanked the good doctor, quietly went home and invited the Lord to help me process all of this.
Why is life so messy at times?
Right here, right now, healing would be much easier: No more pain, no dealing with the anxiety of surgeries, no “having to” take my thoughts captive…
I believe in healing with everything I am–heck, my very life is a picture of healing, and God has touched my body more times than I can recall. But even as the Lord continues to help me renew my mind, my relationship with healing is still messy in many ways.
“I never shy away from messes or controversies,” I hear Him whisper.
His words took my by surprise.
I waited to understand more. And then I began to see it: my Jesus praised the woman who “wasted” expensive perfume on Him, He turned the tables in the temple, He told His mother He had another family. Jesus refused to be religious, shocking people every time He opened His mouth. He spit in mud to heal someone and told another that healing wasn’t for her. He hung out with tax collectors, for goodness sake!
Love isn’t afraid of messy.
The thought of the upcoming surgeries makes me look fear straight on and speak to it.
The thought of the upcoming surgeries makes me hide myself in Him in new amazing ways.
The thought of the upcoming surgeries brings me to a new level of trusting in His provision for all that is to come.
And when all is said and done, I will be thrilled to have walked that road with Him, and He will have shown up so strong that many will give Him glory!
Messy? Yes, maybe. But glorious indeed.